Hectic doesn’t even begin to describe my schedule as of late and judging by the amount of assignments and due dates I have coming up, that probably isn’t about to change. Sometimes I think it would be so much easier to work full time, earn some money and be completely independent, but then I remind myself that I was raised not to take the easy way out but to challenge myself. This master’s programme is undoubtedly my biggest challenge to date.  The prospect of fulfilling and conquering this challenge is what motivates me to keep moving beyond the small part of me that would rather have it ‘’easy’’.  

In 2012 I graduated with my first masters a plight which made many of my peer’s content as many are now working, having children or getting married. For me the accomplishment made me want to keep the momentum going by furthering my education as soon as possible. Below are a few skills my masters has taught me:

-I have started thinking more critically than I ever had to in the past. Many times I would read articles, journals and books without questioning their content. Now I find myself analysing what I read with the hope of stimulating my own ideas and about a particular topic. Thinking critically is a must in my chosen career and now at masters level I am exposed to situations that force me to use a critical mind at all times.

-Time management when you have very little or no time available is also a must. Every week a new deadline creeps up on me reminding me that time is a rare commodity. Unfortunately I am still in the phase of trying to manage my time more efficiently so that I don’t let myself down when my deadlines approach. Definitely a curve in the process but midway through, my programme I am improving step by step, assignment by assignment.

- There’s more to life than going out all the time. Sometimes after a hard week of constant work having a nice quiet weekend is a heaven sent. The way I want to use my downtime (if any) has changed from hanging out with my friends to catching up on sleep. Finding an accurate balance is difficult but hopefully in time achievable simple because its healthy.


-I can achieve anything I whole heartedly work hard at. PHD is calling

 I have always loved watching movies or films with an element of martial arts in them. Martial art in my opinion is one of the most beautiful forms of keeping physically active and strong...a kind of physical poetry in motion, and also it never hurt that it looks so cool.  

Most people associate martial arts with fighting, and that’s largely in part owed to the martial arts movies of the 1960s and 1970s that not only increased the popularity of martial arts around the world but also gave birth to the culture of using the word karate in the English language to describe all striking-based oriental martial arts.[1] 

I have been a student of ‘shotokan’ karate now for the past nine months, and everyday I come to appreciate that there’s more to karate then looking cool and ‘fighting’. I am reminded of being taught by my parents to draw inspiration and to learn from different avenues..with that said this is what i have come to learn thanks to karate:

1.      Seek perfection of character

As human beings we are constantly evolving and improving ourselves. Karate teaches us to focus, to hone our thinking, to improve it, to trust it. It builds our spirit and challenges our will power, teaches us that once you master your thinking, you have control over who you are and what you can do. You understand that you alone are your own limit!

2.       Be faithful

Always stay true to your goals... and know that you can only get better.

3.       Endeavor

The karate man/woman may fall down, but s/he gets back up and starts again. There is no failure here, only a lesson on how to move forward, grow and be better.

4.       Respect others

Karate teaches one the art of humility and understanding that you are no better or worse than the person next to you. In fact respect isn’t earned it is given unconditionally irrespective of race, sex, age, nationality or background, because we are essentially all one and separateness doesn’t truly exist. Yes you may encounter someone who is less than respectful but this isn’t about them, it’s about you and your character.  

5.       Refrain from violent behavior

Karate can be described as a ‘martial art involving a variety of techniques, including blocks, strikes, evasions, throws, and joint manipulations.’[2] And in so much as one is taught all these movements in karate, one learns how to defend oneself in karate...period! You don’t use the skills to start or look for a fight its pure self defence...and only evoked when you are placed in danger. Karate is an art form, a way of life which teaches one to not only be strong and confident but to be happy and peaceful as well.  It is the union of physical and mental strength.

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[1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karate

[2] http://www.gwu.edu/~ska/whatis.htm

 

 

Over the last few weeks my life has become uncharacteristically routine. Uncharacteristic because i Have the kind of personality that thrives on spontaneity, Routine because I find myself doing the same thing day in and day out at approximately the same time. I have been so in need of something different to put me back that care free zone that everyone deserves to experience in the midst of their busy lives.

What better way to unwind and act care free than a rap concert of one of the best stars in the world. Yes my unconventional approach to my seemingly monotonous existence was to attend the Jay z concert held at the O2 this past week. I had so many expectations when I purchased my ticket and to be honest every single one was met the moment the lights went off and he appeared on stage.

Over the last couple of months leading up to the concert Stress had definitely become an unwelcome part of my daily life.  The overwhelming pressure associated with deadlines from school and at that time work had definitely caught up with me the day of the concert. I needed to let loose and be a care free 20 something year old for the first time in a long time maybe even ever. Jay z,s music has always represented a sort of attitude that I wish I had the guts to express more often. I am a fan of his because he is unapologetic for the things he does and thinks. I may not agree with a lot of it but i admire he’s fearless attitude as expressed in the lyrics of his songs. Yes believe it or not underneath the profanity deep rooted lyrics and life lessons can be found in some of the his catchy songs. “I’d rather die enormous than live dormant.”-Jay Z.

This was my first experience at a concert of this scale and he made the tough decision of paying so much money worthwhile. The concert was understated and did not rely on the outrageous lighting and over the top barely dressed dancers that so many modern concerts of any genre have become accustomed to. The man can command a crowd with simplicity and that is something very few artists are capable of doing and in many ways highlights why this man has become the success he is today.

Finally we have a male perspective on our blog.... Thanks to our special guest blogger

The Diary of a Psychitzophrenic Fat Black Man

It all started with the stain of a single drop of blood in a half-empty bathtub.

You know what? I’m getting way ahead of myself; let me back up a few short years so as to give you the whole, unadulterated picture.

Its 1985, Nelson Mandela rejects an offer of freedom from the ‘South African’ ‘government’; blood tests for AIDS are approved; a volcanic eruption in Columbia kills 25,000 people; VH-1 makes its broadcasting debut; 59 people die as Egyptian forces storm plane on Malta; and, Live Aid, a 17 hour rock concert broadcasts worldwide from London and Philadelphia, raising $70 million for starving Africans.

You know what? I don’t really need to go that far back, let me fast forward to the juicy parts.

I had never thought I’d ever be in this position, in this place, in this moment in time – I mean thinking about it is one thing, but the sobering reality of the cold slice of the blade, the warmth of the oozing blood, the staining of the clear cold water in the half-filled bathtub, is a magical sight; it’s something to behold as it is both mesmerising and captivating, and, in the right light, it adds the colour otherwise missing from most mundane lives.

In that moment, in that instance, everything was clear and everything made sense – I realised why it is life itself.

To fully appreciate this moment, you need to realise that I was never keen on living, but do not mistake this as meaning that the eternal release into the hereafter was an option either. Being raised a Catholic by loving parents who went far and beyond their civil service paychecks to provide a lap of luxury that left me needing for nothing but wanting for more, instilled in me a strong sense of the foreboding as I was reminded on a daily basis that my actions, whose consequences apparently yielded the comfort and luxury I’d enjoy beyond the things that my hands can touch, were being closely watched by an ever present Omniscience and a multitude of witnesses with nothing to do with their eternal bliss but watch little boys take baths – and people judge the catholic priests, and to them I say, “cast the first fucking stone!”

Therefore, this wholeness I feel in my heart – this transcending peace – was not arrived at lightly.

However, if you understood my birth, you’d understand that I never wanted this life that I’m living but made the best out of the many great opportunities handed to me on a silver platter. Even Nature itself could not force this life on me and, therefore, Science had to intervene and prevail where Nature failed.

Ah that Science, the stain that has polluted and raped my land long before lubricant was ever invented; our saviour, our messiah, our very own personal Jesus.

But who said we needed saving? Maybe, just maybe, we were fine before You showed up.

But, alas, Science saved me where Nature failed me. Nature, what a f****** joke. You give us everything but You gave us nothing. Because for ten months You tried to push me out and for ten months I refused to be moved. For ten months my parents joyfully waited my arrival but for ten I was the disappointment that I would become. For ten months, for ten whole months, I stood my ground. Because in those ten months, I was a man and as a man I stood firm. For the first ten months before my life started, I was a man. Even before I took my first breath I knew how it felt to smoke a cigarette next to a spent beautiful woman whose name I will never remember.

Now that you know the context, let’s proceed with the story.

Getting out of the bathtub felt effortless. Maybe it was because I was being carried out of it. Or maybe it was because for the first time in my life I had allowed someone else to be strong for me, to help me where I had failed to succeed, to lead me beyond the path that I saw before me.

Standing besides the empty bathtub I realised that even the toughest stain can be removed with time.

Standing besides the empty bathtub, I realised that she wasn’t breathing anymore. She had died before I could help her, before I could reach her, before I could tell her that I loved her, and now all I have is time but she isn’t here to hear all the things I have hidden from this world in our special place. Living feels like an eternity without someone to love you.

So I let her go.

 

THE END

 

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My sister and I have very different opinions and feelings, anyone who knows us well can attest to that. When I was younger I couldn’t deal with the fact that she didn’t agree with the things I would say and as you can imagine it often led to arguments, heated debates and a few hours of not speaking to one another. Now that we are older I have learnt to embrace our differences and even take comfort in them. Imagine how boring it would be if we constantly agreed with each other, we wouldn’t challenge each other thought processes the way that we do now. It’s funny but I am starting to see that within all our differences several similarities are present in our underlying principles. If you read the articles on our blog I think it is clear to see this reflected.

People often ask me why I decided to start a blog with my sister when we both could easily have done it alone. Who doesn’t want to undertake an adventure of any kind with their best friend? Sometimes I find myself unable to come up with a new idea to write about and immediately my sister is there to pick up the pieces. She gives me ideas and makes me challenge myself and myself imposed restrictions. Since undertaking this endeavour with her I have found that I have broken free of certain fears I had about voicing my opinion completely. I am far more articulate than I was even less than a year ago as in the past I was afraid to voice my opinions because I didn’t want to hurt any ones feelings or create any sort of unnecessary debate. However I can now recognise that there is no such thing as unnecessary debate and that Humans in general are curious creatures who were given a certain intellectual capacity that no other living organism was, surely for a reason.  In the few short months that we have been doing this I have experienced personal growth in every sense of the word. With every article we post I find myself becoming more confident in my writing ability as well as my analytical thinking. Expression is key when it comes to blogging and writing about something your passionate about is a great starting point. When we started our blog my sister and I agreed not to limit ourselves. We write about anything that is on our minds at the moment and as our blog progresses so does our range of articles. Actually thinking about all the things we can achieve through this blog excites me beyond comprehension.


xoxoxoxo

 

So, why do you want to get Married?

“Heterosexual relationships seem to lead only to marriage, and for most poor dumb brainwashed women marriage is the climactic experience. For men, marriage is a matter of efficient logistics: the male gets his food, bed, laundry, TV, pussy, offspring and creature comforts all under one roof, where he doesn't have to dissipate his psychic energy thinking about them too much - then he is free to go out and fight the battles of life, which is what existence is all about.
But for a woman, marriage is surrender. Marriage is when a girl gives up the fight, walks off the battlefield and from then on leaves the truly interesting and significant action to her husband, who has bargained to 'take care' of her. What a sad bum deal.” –Tom Robbins

I swear this is an in your face opinion! It does many things, it upsets you mostly because it makes sense, and it makes you wonder a little bit which is a good thing...right?

I am at the stage of my life where so many of my peers are getting married. This stage is also accompanied by many people giving you the look...u know the one that subtly questions when you too are going to ‘get serious’ and get married!

I am also at the stage where I know a lot of people mostly young women, who are excited about the prospect of getting married, but lately I am paying attention to that excitement. And more and more it appears that they are excited about the wedding, and I am no expert when it comes to marriage but I believe there’s a difference between a wedding ceremony and an actual marriage.

While I have no immediate plans to get married soon, I think it’s important to ask yourself at some point ... ‘Why do I want to get married anyways’? 

If I have to look at a religious point of view to understand why one is expected to get married, then I understand that Christianity (I reference Christianity because it is the religion I am most familiar with) teaches that marriage is a holy covenant before God. “The marriage ceremony, is meant to be a public demonstration of a couple's commitment to a covenant relationship” which emulates the relationship between Christ and the church.[1]

Traditionally, it is something we are taught to anticipate and prepare for, you see we learn that at some point in our lives we are expected to leave our parents homes and start a new family and home with another person. Marriage it seems is the highest commitment plane a couple can reach…but is it the ultimate experience?

I ask this, because I live in world that despite its modernity, subtly suggests to you what is expected of you as a wife or even as a husband. Roles are assigned to you… they are traditional practices in Africa (and probably other parts of the world) that teach you what you must do in order to be considered a good spouse! And really it’s overwhelming to me at least because there are billions of people in the world, how then do you suggest all these people will fit a religious or traditional expectation of what makes someone a good spouse.

At the same time, I grew up in a house where I witnessed a healthy marriage up close, between people who aren’t as traditional as you would imagine (hence the freedom I have to question the whole institution of marriage). And witnessing my parents’ give each other room to grow, whilst growing together, maintaining a friendship for over twenty years and constantly working on their relationship, I have always believed that the marriage they have is something I would want to aspire to. It has been and continues to be something beautiful to aspire too, but as I said I am at the point where I am seriously questioning why I would want to get married. “What does marriage mean to me?”

The funny thing is that when you ask around, a lot of people want to get married, but no-one can really tell you why. Others like to say that we have lost the meaning of marriage today… but I think we have failed to ask ourselves what marriage means to us personally, what we expect according to who we are again personally! And so we get married because it’s what’s expected of a ‘serious person’ or because 'we are getting old now', or 'we are at the right age to be married'.  We don’t ask ourselves this question, and we don’t ask our partners what their views are in this regard.  And then we get shocked that we are in a relationship we didn’t sign up for…And lets face it, compared to a normal dating relationship, its a lot more expensive (financially and emotionally) to walk away from a marriage that isn’t working or meant for you.

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[1] Mary Fairchild http://christianity.about.com/od/whatdoesthebiblesay/a/marriagecovenan_2.htm

The happiness Factor

With just over three months left of 2013 I have started reflecting on whether or not I have achieved all the things I set out to achieve in the beginning of the year. Many people may find it hard to believe but on top of my agenda was to be a happier person. This may not seem like the most innovative resolution in the history of New Year’s resolution, but in my mind it would lead to a positive outlook on other avenues in my life.

I generally am happy, but I will admit that I have my moments like any other person where my happiness is not reflected in my actions. It is hard to always maintain a happy attitude for 365 days but I have found that it’s not impossible.  So at the risk of sounding like a preachy self help author I thought it would be appropriate to share with you, a few tips on being happy everyday for the rest of your life.

 

·         Smile through it all

This may seem like impossible advice especially considering the fact that life throws several situations at you that are no laughing matter. I remember when a friend of mine went through a trying time, as her father had passed away. She was extremely depressed as you can imagine. My advice to her was that her father would want her to draw back on all the memories that they shared and to celebrate his life. I told her to take solace in the fact that her dad will always be in her life guiding her through every situation she may encounter. Months later she came and told me that as sad as she was upon reflecting on some of my words her heart was smiling. Perplexed at the thought I asked her what she meant and she told me that he was in her spirit making her smile constantly. Yes smiling during certain situations is a huge task to ask but a certain attitude can make even the most unbearable situation that much more bearable.

·         Be kind to others

There is something that is very comforting about making another person, even a random stranger smile. Someone once told me that character is measured by how you treat people who can do absolutely nothing for you.

·         Appreciate all you have

The good things in life outweigh the bad, but we often forget that when we find ourselves in difficult situations. I know for a fact that I am blessed. My biggest blessing would have to be my family as I can always count on them for support of any kind. It’s easy to take something as consistent as their love for granted and it pains me to say that I may have been guilty of doing so one time too many. I try my best to always remind myself that people would kill to have the kind of happiness my family provide me. Appreciation of all the blessings I have been given has definitely upped my happiness factor.

·         Know the true meaning of happiness

Happiness is not just a feeling it’s an action. If you want or claim to be happy you need to radiate happiness wherever you may go and in whatever you do.

 

The truth is we only have one life to live, so my question to you is why not live it at your optimum happiness. I know that 60 years from now when I am not only reflecting on the past year but on my life as a whole I want to able to say that I lived a happy fulfilling life and have the people around me agree.

Xoxox