Sometimes I am really grateful for illness.....

Nothing life threatening of course, but the kind that makes you take note of a couple of things. This past week flu hit me up pretty badly, and I was confined to my room ‘two days of bed rest’, doctors’ orders!

The first few hours of the first day where pretty easy, I was that sick. But after a while sleeping gets boring and I am the type of person who gets bored and starts thinking and the one thought that sprung up during this time and that has been with me throughout this week is’ I am too young to be this old’.

Yes...I think the flu helped me discover how and why people age so fast and the real coz of growing ‘old’. See when you are little you cant wait to grow up because then no-one will tell you what to do, you will have your own house, your own car etc.

You grow a little older and then you realise to have all these things you have to work, but that’s still exciting because to you working symbolises freedom.  You watch the ‘adults’ all around you, you hear them complain about how tiring work is and how they have no time to do a, b or c. I never realised until now how much hearing things like this, would impact me personally. I am working now and I hear myself repeating these words... slowly it’s like I am morphed into a robot overnight. And not the cool kind of robot either, actually more like a droid who wakes up goes to work comes home sleeps and repeats 5days a week!  

My body was tired, my mind was tired... ‘I am too young to be this old’. I now believe that you grow old because you became complacent with just waking up and working and finding every excuse not to do something or go somewhere because you are too tired. After a while it’s all you know, it is familiar and it’s comfortable. And sometimes being comfortable is dangerous ‘coz it stops you from ‘growing’. Laying in that bed for two days I managed to contact friends I was starting to neglect, spent time with my family I sometimes take for granted. I realised I wanted to live and not just breathe... I realised that I complain there’s nothing to do in this little old Windhoek but that’s a lie there’s always something to do I just got lazy found excuses and yes this city is small compared to most but my creativity, imagination and thirst for living are limitless. I don’t want to be all preachy about this I just have to release the thought give it life, acknowledge the lesson I think I am learning.  The flu isn’t anything major, its easy to recover from but now I know sometimes you gotta feel crappy in order to take stock of what is happening in your life, you have to have bad days sometimes to force you or challenge you if will, to stop with the complacency, with the excuses and to understand what being alive is all about!

xoxoxox