When is the right time to talk to kids about sex?

I have been thinking about this question a lot since attending a workshop on kids TV programmes, which had the objective of ‘finding ways to entertain yet educate children through T.V. Now at the beginning of the workshop we talked about key words that shape up the world of children, and when it came to the age group for 12-15, someone in the room mentioned sexuality and sex being important...which prompted the funniest gasps in the room!

I swear it was like someone had just committed blasphemy of the highest order! One of my colleagues actually remarked that we have no business making sex a part of the world of a 12-15 yr old child. 

I have no children but I do have a twelve year old sister, a beautiful sister who I know looks up to her older sisters and one I work hard to have an open relationship with. Just interacting with my sister and laughing, joking around with her, makes me appreciate how intelligent she is and how she is not blind to things like sexuality or sex. My sister is a ‘tween’ basically a girl knocking at adolescence door.  She is at the stage in her life where family and friends influence her outlook, individuality and understanding of certain things. She is also a part of a generation that has easy access to internet.

That being said, I think it’s almost naive to think that a 12-15 year old person has never heard about sex. In some cases some 12-15 year olds have already began experimenting with sex. The thing is how many of them really understand what kind of responsibility comes with having sex, especially because some adults will not talk about it openly its totally taboo. I understand it’s a way of protecting our children but actually what are we protecting them from?

 
Children of this era in my opinion (and I am in my twenties) are growing up faster and are faced with adult concerns a lot earlier than even my generation were...they don’t play outside like we did they play on the internet and communicate almost always through phones. They have access to information, all kinds of information including inaccurate information. Should we not be more concerned about making sure that they have all the facts they need and are able to feel comfortable and free enough to ask question of us adults because we have more practical experience, even were the questions asked put us in rather uncomfortable situations.

The bottom line for me I think is that its time to give credit to the children around us, to understand that they are far more aware of the world then we give them credit for...and we aren’t ruining their childhood by allowing them to ask questions about sex, the changes in their bodies, hormones or sexuality...

Just a Random thought!

Being friends with a girl is hard work

When you get a room full of women together drama is sure to follow. The other day i was watching an episode of the real housewives of Atlanta and with every new scene came some sort of screaming match. As i watched one of the most popular shows on television today I wondered what is it about women well into their thirties fighting that makes me sit glued to my screen week after week with a feeling slight depression when i manage to miss an episode. The answer is somewhat complex I have come to realise. The dynamics of women when they are in a group are something to marvel at. Very rarely do all the women in a so called close group of friends get along think talking behind one another’s backs, occasional tension and snide remarks. 

The one thing i admire about guys in groups is their ability to move on. Guys can date he same girl and still be friends which is something girls cannot accept. Guys can enjoy banter back and forth and be honest with each other about anything. Ladies on the other hand have to watch what they say because even without intention of hurting your friend things can be twisted to make it seem like something its not. When you do something to a girl she is more than likely to tell a couple of people what you supposedly did and before you know it something small is blown out of proportion. Guys have their flaws naturally but with regard to friendships we have to give them props.

The older I have gotten the smaller my circle of friends has become. I stick to people who understand me and know me enough to know that I do not base my actions on hurting people. I have more guy friends than girls and it’s so much easier. I have a select group of people I can tell my secrets to and i am not ashamed to admit they include my blood sisters and a guy cousin. Hey if you cant count on your family who can you count on.

 

Fights are going to erupt if we don’t change our mind sets. We need to let things go and be open and more honest to  people who have proven they can be trusted. Also we need to stop judging one another and respect the rights of a lady to act how she wants to act without chiming in on why its unacceptable. Trust me the only thing that will ensure we can watch a TV program where people tune in for the sisterhood rather than the drama a fight scene which is sure to come our way.  Yes its hard to get along with girls, but when you find the right friends girls will always have your back and protect you till the end. Carving out the rotten apples is the hard part

In Defence of Emotions

  

Emotion ɪˈməʊʃ(ə)n/noun

plural noun: emotions

1. a strong feeling deriving from one's circumstances, mood, or relationships with others[1]

These days it’s not difficult to go online and find some meme dedicated to making fun of Drake. You see for a rapper Drake has been called ‘soft’ because he expresses some kind of emotion in his lyrics. Rap music isn’t known for expressing too many feelings…

I am no music connoisseur by profession but I come from a family that seriously enjoys music, and rap music has always been a feature amongst my cousins and even some aunts and uncles.  It’s from this premise that I can say that I have come to understood rap music as being a poetic outlet in which people express their story, be it actual experience, a fantasy or a ridiculous dream! Yes it’s a predominantly male industry and I have read about, seen and heard how there’s just no room for (gulp) feelings or emotions!

I have had discussions with peers about Drake being talented but just way too ‘sensitive’. Ultimately I have observed how showing any type of emotion especially in a predominantly masculine society makes you weak or rather makes you get labelled as weak or wait a ‘soft person’ (what an injustice).! Because you see in a masculine society, we are all (men and women) predominately logical, and focused more on reason than on feeling.

Yes ok maybe I am a tad bit biased because I am a really big fan of Drakes’, and because I am a person who is well aware and in touch with her emotions. And while this is true, me being emotional that is, it is also true that I am not very expressive of that fact because I am not inclined to being vulnerable, it’s a twisted situation! Or maybe it is what I took from the world an observation that showed me that being vulnerable makes you a victim and I am not inclined to being a victim.

The fact is sharing your emotions/feelings makes you vulnerable, to hurt to ridicule, to something genuinely uncomfortable. And in a world where being in control of oneself is safe, I have to say I admire people like Drake because there’s a certain strength in being vulnerable…courage I believe Brené Brown[2] calls it.

The word courage stemmed from the Latin word Cor,  it’s original meaning as Brené Brown highlights in her TED talk was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. It isn’t easy and I struggle with it, but as I grow the more comfortable I become in affording my emotions an opportunity for expression whenever and however they are so inclined. Maybe I am finally seeing the beauty in being vulnerable sometimes, the strength in being brave enough to intensely feel what the world has to offer, and the world has so much to offer (still).

So in defence of emotions and of artists like Drake who dare to put a part of their soul into their work… There’s no such thing as too much emotion! There’s nothing wrong with showing your whole heart and/or emotions…it’s liberating! Emotions spark revolutions, are the catalysts of change affect others and allow them to know and connect to your story. It’s part of what makes us human…

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[1] http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/emotion. Above image courtesy of http://www.trendycovers.com/covers/Fingers+Heart-685

[2] Watch her Ted talk ITS AWESOME… http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html