So, why do you want to get Married?

“Heterosexual relationships seem to lead only to marriage, and for most poor dumb brainwashed women marriage is the climactic experience. For men, marriage is a matter of efficient logistics: the male gets his food, bed, laundry, TV, pussy, offspring and creature comforts all under one roof, where he doesn't have to dissipate his psychic energy thinking about them too much - then he is free to go out and fight the battles of life, which is what existence is all about.
But for a woman, marriage is surrender. Marriage is when a girl gives up the fight, walks off the battlefield and from then on leaves the truly interesting and significant action to her husband, who has bargained to 'take care' of her. What a sad bum deal.” –Tom Robbins

I swear this is an in your face opinion! It does many things, it upsets you mostly because it makes sense, and it makes you wonder a little bit which is a good thing...right?

I am at the stage of my life where so many of my peers are getting married. This stage is also accompanied by many people giving you the look...u know the one that subtly questions when you too are going to ‘get serious’ and get married!

I am also at the stage where I know a lot of people mostly young women, who are excited about the prospect of getting married, but lately I am paying attention to that excitement. And more and more it appears that they are excited about the wedding, and I am no expert when it comes to marriage but I believe there’s a difference between a wedding ceremony and an actual marriage.

While I have no immediate plans to get married soon, I think it’s important to ask yourself at some point ... ‘Why do I want to get married anyways’? 

If I have to look at a religious point of view to understand why one is expected to get married, then I understand that Christianity (I reference Christianity because it is the religion I am most familiar with) teaches that marriage is a holy covenant before God. “The marriage ceremony, is meant to be a public demonstration of a couple's commitment to a covenant relationship” which emulates the relationship between Christ and the church.[1]

Traditionally, it is something we are taught to anticipate and prepare for, you see we learn that at some point in our lives we are expected to leave our parents homes and start a new family and home with another person. Marriage it seems is the highest commitment plane a couple can reach…but is it the ultimate experience?

I ask this, because I live in world that despite its modernity, subtly suggests to you what is expected of you as a wife or even as a husband. Roles are assigned to you… they are traditional practices in Africa (and probably other parts of the world) that teach you what you must do in order to be considered a good spouse! And really it’s overwhelming to me at least because there are billions of people in the world, how then do you suggest all these people will fit a religious or traditional expectation of what makes someone a good spouse.

At the same time, I grew up in a house where I witnessed a healthy marriage up close, between people who aren’t as traditional as you would imagine (hence the freedom I have to question the whole institution of marriage). And witnessing my parents’ give each other room to grow, whilst growing together, maintaining a friendship for over twenty years and constantly working on their relationship, I have always believed that the marriage they have is something I would want to aspire to. It has been and continues to be something beautiful to aspire too, but as I said I am at the point where I am seriously questioning why I would want to get married. “What does marriage mean to me?”

The funny thing is that when you ask around, a lot of people want to get married, but no-one can really tell you why. Others like to say that we have lost the meaning of marriage today… but I think we have failed to ask ourselves what marriage means to us personally, what we expect according to who we are again personally! And so we get married because it’s what’s expected of a ‘serious person’ or because 'we are getting old now', or 'we are at the right age to be married'.  We don’t ask ourselves this question, and we don’t ask our partners what their views are in this regard.  And then we get shocked that we are in a relationship we didn’t sign up for…And lets face it, compared to a normal dating relationship, its a lot more expensive (financially and emotionally) to walk away from a marriage that isn’t working or meant for you.

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[1] Mary Fairchild http://christianity.about.com/od/whatdoesthebiblesay/a/marriagecovenan_2.htm